Thursday, May 28, 2009


To begin: Why are all my recent posts centered around rodents? I would love an answer to that question. Oh wait....I know why....I LIVE IN THE BOONIES.

Moving On.

This epic story began Sunday morning, just before church. I was inside with the dog, the cat had already escaped outside. I opened the door to let the dog out and found myself standing on the front porch shrieking as the cat chased a CHIPMONK into my house. The dog of course followed, while I stayed on the porch...still myself. Picturing it? Yes, I am an idiot.

Well, before I even got my act together to run inside and at least find out where the blasted rodent had gone, the dog chased the cat back sign of the chipmonk. One questions: WHAT KIND OF HUNTERS ARE THEY!?!?!?! My dog and cat stink at the whole "stalking their prey" thing. So, I was left to go inside, having no idea where the chipmonk had gone. It literally could have been anywhere.

I had about 10 minutes before I had to leave for church, so I quickly glanced under the sofas and behind the piano...the most obvious places I could think of. I did NOT, however, check under the sofa chair that sits in the corner. Mostly because there was no way to look under it without fully tipping it over, and I surely wasn't going to do THAT to let the thing escape and run upstairs and hide in my bed (which is clearly what it would have done.) I left the door open during all this hoping that maybe it would miraculously find it's way outside on its own. I didn't find it, before I had to leave for I just left.

Got back Sunday sign of the chipmonk, the dog and cat weren't going crazy or anything, so I assumed that maybe it had in fact run out while I had the door open earlier in the day.

Friends came over for a cookout Monday evening. My dear friend Erin stayed late, and as we were sitting on the couch chatting at about 10:30 that evening, I heard rustling and scratching guessed it, the sofa chair in the corner. I calmly looked at Erin and said, "The chipmonk is still in my house." She graciously agreed to help me out. So we set about devising a plan.

Our step-by-step thought process:
  • How do we know the chipmonk is actually under the sofa chair? We need to find out.
  • But if it is, and we tip the chair back, it's free to run anywhere in the house....therefore, we must contain it. How do you contain a chipmonk?
  • You build a SWEET FORT! That's right, we built an awesome barricade using plywood, coffee tables, end tables, name it, and blocked off from the wall where the sofa was to the front it was contained in the fort until it ran outside. Brilliant eh?
  • We didn't want to open the door until we knew it was Erin in her infinitely genius wisdom figured out how to open the front door with a broom handle while still standing OUTSIDE of the fort. Erin....hats off to you my friend.
  • I patted down the curtains for good measure to make sure it wasn't there, then tipped back the chair. We didn't see it, so Erin came over to help me tip the chair alllllll the way back and pat it down with the broom. Still no sign of it.
  • We concluded we had been hearing things.
  • Erin began tearing down our fort (don't worry, we got pictures), and I righted the couch and began sliding it back into the corner when all of the sudden.....
The Chipmonk appeared out of nowhere right at my feet!!!! I screamed (again....are we sensing a pattern when I'm faced with rodents?) and yelled for Erin to get the door. Well she had a choice to make: fix the fort that she had started tearing down so it didn't escape, or open the door. She fixed the fort, but the door stayed closed, so it ran to the door, and promptly ran back to the couch.

We finally opened the door, I grabbed the broom, found the little guy hiding behind the couch (not under or in it again...he was too tired...and probably pretty close to a heart attack) and began sweeping him to the door. He tried to climb the plywood and escape to the kitchen, but I swept him down and out the door!


Let me just say....I don't like rodents. Period. Erin made me promise not to scream during this entire ordeal. I asked her "what if it climbs my leg?" She agreed that then I would be allowed to scream. Well...given that leeway, I screamed every time the curtain touch my foot or leg. I thought Erin was going to choke me.

Alas, the chipmonk is gone, and I can sleep peacefully knowing that the only animal I'll find in my bed when I wake up the next morning is my stuffed Owl. (Okay, I don't really sleep with a stuffed owl....but I do have one.)

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