Aaaaand.....I'm back

Not that there's actually anyone around reading this anymore (except maybe my dear friend Rachel...Hi Rachel!) But I am officially back after a 5 months blogging hiatus...Also known as "camp was in session and life was crazy busy but incredibly amazing at the same time."

I would love to share lots of insightful thoughts about this summer and everything going on....but quite frankly my brain is a little fried. So instead, a list of things that I am so incredibly thankful for.

• My family. They were a great sounding board all summer. They listened to my thoughts, celebrated the successes with me, and continued to steer me in a good direction.
• The people I work with. They truly are a great team of people who do everything to make sure that kids have the opportunity to hear about and experience Jesus every day at camp.
• The way God provides. So many times this summer, God provided in ways I couldn't have imagined or expected. As my boss said recently "I need to pray bigger prayers!" I serve a BIG God who loves to answer prayers in a big way.
• My Life Group. It's a great "home base" group of people who are walking through life together. Even when I couldn't be there throughout the summer, we emailed, talked, and met when we could. We share the ups and downs and I am so thankful for the community that God has so clearly provided.
• My Church. I am challenged, encouraged, and strengthened by worshipping every week with the body of Christ.

It's been a good few months. Many ups and downs along the way. But in the end, I know that my God is a God who provides.

So I close with a song that has been perpetually on my iPod all summer and into the start of the fall.

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in the hunger in me

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

And triumph is still on it's way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've recieved I will sow

A Tradition

This fall a tradition started at my house.  Every Thursday, friends in the area gather at my house for dinner and to watch....The Office (one of the greatest shows ever, thank you very much.) 

To be honest, I didn’t think it would become a tradition, but I think it’s GREAT that it has, for so many reasons: It gives me an excuse to cook (I love cooking, but it seems a little silly when cooking for one), It gives me a chance to catch up with friends, and last but certainly not least....The Office is way more funny when watched with friends.

As this tradition has developed, I have enjoyed noticing some things about great friends and great friendships

• The door is always open.  People come on over whenever, let themselves in, and make themselves at home.  I LOVE it!
  
• The door swings both ways.  I know I am welcomed to their places whenever the opportunity comes up.
  
• They move from “guest” to “family.”  They know to help themselves to drinks, snacks, blankets, and pillows.
  
• No lost time.  No matter how long it’s been since we’ve seen each other or talked, we pick right back up where we left off.
  
• Great friends have earned the right to push, poke, and challenge.  They can say things that I may not like, but I know that they still love me.
  

I am thankful for friendships like these.  They encourage, challenge, and strengthen me.

*Side note: I also found out this week that some friends of mine are actually attending a Journey Class on Friendship at GCC.  How cool is that?!?!

Reflections on Two Years

I’ve been full-time at camp for just over two years now. Hard to believe...and boy does time go by fast. So in honor...A quick bullet list of the funny, the serious, and the future.

Funny Stuff...

• Never underestimate the need for knowing random yet practical skills...shutting off water lines, repairing plumbing, using power tools, water softeners 101, how to start a lawn mower....these skills will get you farther in life than you think! 
  
• In college, 3 weeks of vacation at Christmas is not nearly enough...In the adult world, you don’t know what to do with yourself when you’re given that kind of time off!
  
• Laugh at the ridiculous things in life (even yourself if the occasion calls for it.) Life is way more fun when you laugh....a lot.
  
• A dog is really like an infant....or a toddler. If you get a dog, be ready. It’s intense.
  
• And oh yea...dog proof your house, otherwise you’ll be buying new furniture within 6 months.
  

For Serious...

• It will take your body a few months to get used to a new schedule (getting up early and going to bed early). And once you adjust, you’ll wonder how you EVER were able to stay up until 4 and get up at 8 and still function. It’s normal...and you may even come to love early mornings!
  
• It will take time to adjust to not being able to just walk down the hall to your friends room to hang out and talk. Enjoy it while you have it. 
  
• Find a place to connect....TODAY! Don’t wait. Don’t put it off. Don’t let work, or the temptation to skip town to visit friends all the time stand in your way. To make some place home, you have to be fully present there...Not somewhere else. Find a church, make new friends, meet random people, invite them over for dinner. 
  
• Don’t be afraid of silence. Enjoy it and appreciate it for the opportunity it is.
  
• No matter where you go or what you do, push yourself to learn something new on a regular basis. It will keep your job (and life in general) way more interesting.
  

The Future...

• I want to keep learning. Today I got to learn some web stuff I never thought I would know or need to know...but it was actually kind of fun to learn! I am choosing to look at everything that comes up as a new opportunity and a chance to grow.
  
• Wherever I am, and however long I’m there, I want where I am to be home. Be invested, have meaningful relationships, and feel good about being there (whether in small town Indiana or wherever life takes me.)
  
• I’m going to focus on where God has me right now and the tasks he’s put before me...not what other people are doing, not something “better” that might be out there. Live every moment fully, and give everything I have to what God has called me to today. God will take care of tomorrow.
  

Two years down...who knows how many to go!

Extravagant Love, Radical Hospitality

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." - Romans 12:12-13

A Challenge to myself and others:
Love Extravagantly
Practice Hospitality
Live life with arms wide open

Although I moved to my little town 2 years ago (almost exactly to the day! wow!) I have hopped from church to church. Tried several, but never felt like I truly found a place to call home. For lots of reasons. I was always traveling on weekends, visiting friends or family, working... While there were 2 churches that I attended regularly, I never found "home."

I decided recently that the only way to do that is to truly protect certain times. I did that when I was in college. These times on Sundays were morning worship, and Connexion (the college service)....This time on Thursday is when my Bible Study meets....As a result of that commitment, I was connected...and my church was home. While I have protected my Sunday morning time for church, I haven't protected a location. Interesting distinction, I know....but one that I think truly matters.

I also had a hard time feeling like a part of the community different places. No idea how to connect in small groups or Bible Studies....I could literally walk in and out on Sundays and be a ghost if I wanted. While at times that may be appealing, I want more. I want to be surrounded by people who are going to push, challenge, and encourage me. I want to be involved in the life of the church.

Last week, I had a brave moment. I called a church that I had visited a few times to see how I can get involved in small groups and adult classes. (I have tried this off and on various places for a year now and have literally gotten nowhere.) I ended up on the phone with one of their staff members who, after about 15 to 20 minutes of talking, hearing what I was looking for, and where I was at in life just stopped and said, "My small group meets on Friday nights. We would love to have to join us. And hey, you know what? My wife and I love having people over to hang out, just for fellowship. We'd love to have you over for coffee sometime too."

WOW! seriously!?!?! Just like that. An open invitation. This person didn't know me and yet extended and invitation and practiced radical hospitality.

By the time I checked my email later that day, I had an email thanking me (seriously, thanking me....) for stepping out and calling, giving me directions to their house, and just a bit of information about some of the other people in the group so that I would, as he put it, "feel like family when I walked in."

So I took a risk (for me, a fairly quiet, shy, introverted person...at least until you get to know me) and went....to meet a bunch of strangers (who oddly enough, I discovered some connections with once I got there!) And you know what...it was 100% worth it. Everyone was welcoming, loving, and truly interested in my story. Can I just say that this was probably one of the most encouraging moments of definitely the past week, and even the past month.

So why do I challenge myself and others to that? Because it makes a difference to people. I know that I will remember this conversation and this moment for a long time to come.

"But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13 (Msg.)

Chucking the Cell Phone

Every couple of months I have a moment where I want to chuck my cell pone out the window of my car, throw it in a lake, run over it with my car....something that will make it stop ringing. This doesn't happen all the time...but sometimes. (I must have a fairly low threshold for this considering the fact that I am NOT that important of a person and things DON'T demand my attention every waking moment of the day.)

Today was one of those days. Just a desire to escape and be out of touch even if only for an hour or so. Cells phones are great, don't get me wrong. I love that I can just type a quick message to a friend and not too intrusively interrupt their day to ask a question, or people can send me a quick little one liner that makes me smile (I however, have what I call a phone phobia....that is I don't like calling people. I am just worried I am interrupting too much, or bothering them, or catching them when they don't really want to be polite, but feel a social responsibility to be polite and engage in a conversation that they don't really want to be engaged in. I'm currently working through this....) :)

Anyway....I found a great post about just that by a staff member at GCC. I've enjoyed reading books and posts by him and learning as much as I can because let's face it, I'm young, and I've got a lot to learn.

I'll say it again, I am NOT that important of a person....I don't twitter, I don't subscribe to hundreds of blogs or automatic notifications, yet I still crave silence.

I think that was one of the things I loved most about being in Nashville at the National Youth Worker's Convention. Yes, I was still doing some work stuff, and I was busy attending different sessions and seminars. But the great thing was that I could leave a session and just go walk around downtown, or go to the prayer chapel, or back to my hotel and just sit, in silence and actually process and digest what I had just heard. I didn't get a lot of phone calls because people knew I was out of the office, I didn't get a lot of emails, and I didn't even check email all that often. It's been awhile since I've done that...since I've really just stopped to listen and hear what I'm supposed to hear. And it was GREAT!

I need to carve out more time to do just that. Stay offline, turn off the phone, the tv, and even the music and just enjoy the silence.

Things I never thought I would need to know

One of the things I love about working at camp is all the different things I get to do. Seriously, it seems limitless at times the things I can learn and do if I just set my mind to it. And all of it ultimately goes toward the end goal of building a better program to reach more students.

Every once in awhile, I like to think about all the tools I have worked with and things I never thought I would need to know how to do, but am either learning or have learned, thanks to camp. It tends to be fairly entertaining. So here goes.

• Power tools. That's right...power tools. My first day as a summer staffer 5 years ago I spent 8 hours pressure washing a net... no joke. And then I learned how to use table saws, drills, blowers, soldering irons....the list goes on. I know this sounds fairly unimpressive, but to me...I think it's awesome that I have learned how to do some of these things.
• Cooking for several hundred people. Not that I do this on a regular basis, but in a pinch, it's my responsibility to know how to get it done (with help of course).
• Just about anything to do with toilets and drains....Not that I can always fix the problem, but I have discovered that it's good to have a basic knowledge of what might be wrong, and some common things to check for before calling in the big guns (aka the amazing facilities supervisor)
• All things paintball. That's right. In preparing to build new programs, I am learning about anything and everything relating to operating a successful paintball program. Crazy
  
• Climbing. Where to get equipment, how to run stuff, how to maintain a course. Yep. Love it.
• Basic AV (sound systems projectors). I by no means claim to be an expert, but I can set up and troubleshoot the basics.

The list goes on. It's just fun to me....to see all the things that I never thought I would need to know, but have had the chance to learn. And trust me when I say, I am by no means an expert in any of these areas (definitely not!) But I sure have had fun learning.

And it's just really funny to look at the progression of my life in general (classical dancer to ropes course operator at a summer camp, to setting up a paintball course...) It just makes me laugh sometimes. The people I used to dance with would probably never believe it.

But it's so fun. And I love seeing how God moves us to different places...where we never thought we'd be.

It makes me wonder what's coming tomorrow.... :)

Shoes

If anyone that reads this happens to be a guy, I'm guessing they stopped reading after the title. If not....yes this is about shoe shopping. And a frustration I have with it. Really nothing insightful tonight at all...

Shoe shopping is not easy, at least not for women, and definitely not for tall women. This is made even more difficult when you are trying to find nice shoes to wear with a dress. Because apparently they only make cute, fun shoes with 5 INCH HEELS. They are cute. And they are fun. The problem.... they make me 6'2" thank you very much.

I decided several years ago that I would never wear shoes that made me taller than 6 foot. Ha. Yea right. I've given up on that, at least when it comes to nice shoes.

So I'm getting over it. But it still drives me nuts. And to any other tall ladies that may read this...I feel your pain. My advice...wear what you want and have fun. Who cares!

:)

NYWC Session 2

David Crowder Band, Shane Claiborne, Andrew Marin, Tony Campolo

First let me just say that yesterday was the first time I have ever seen Crowder live. It was great! Such energy and passion for what he does...and he is absolutely hysterical. I think my favorite part was when he busted out the keytar and the modified guitar hero-esque guitar. A-Mazing.

Now, I have a confession to make. A lot of my staff, and just a lot of people that I know in general have read Irresistable Revolution and Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne. They've talked about it, praised it as a "must read" and seriously contemplated selling all their possessions, and living with the poor and homeless. I have been skeptical of anything that seems like a "fad" book. I was skeptical of books like Velvet Elvis and Blue Like Jazz when they first came out. I don't know, I'm sure there's good stuff, but I kind of like the classics.

After listening to him speak last night though, I had to get his book and see what this is all about...Because he said something that resonated with me 100%, that I have been trying to articulate for 5 years, but haven't really been able to.

He talked about growing up in church, having all the "right" answers, and holding all the "right" beliefs, and all the "right" political opinions. And then he came to a realization:

"When I am faced with a 14 year old girl, pregnant and unmarried, how can I be pro-life without being willing to come alongside this 14 year old girl and help her learn how to become a 14 year old mother?"

That's about as close to a direct quote as I could get....I wanted to stand up and say thank you for putting into words far better than I have ever been able to figure out how to, exactly what has always bothered me. I get frustrated (with this issue specifically for some reason) that we seem to condemn young women and girls who find themselves in this situation....regardless of the choice they make...Make the "Pro-life" decision to keep the baby, and be ostracized and condemned for being pregnant out of wedlock...Make the "Pro-choice" decision to have an abortion, and be ostracized and condemned for having an abortion. These girls are in a no win.

Unless we choose to come alongside them and walk with them into and along a path that doesn't seem to have clear-cut, easy decisions.

I had to go to his late-night talk back session to hear more, and I am glad I did. He talked more about the community he lives in and answered some of the questions I have wondered: How do you just do what you do? What about issues of safety? Do you ever feel like you have been taken advantage of?

It was good stuff. Challenging stuff. And I am still thinking about it. I feel like I have so much more to think about and process. But it's been great so far.

And by the way....I love this city.

The past week or so...

A list to sum up my random thoughts from the past week or so.

• I find it mildly ridiculous that I used to stand around in pointe shoes for 6 or more hours a day, 6 days a week, and I was rarely phased. Yet three days of running around, standing, cooking, etc. made my legs feel like they were on fire...
• I have no clue how I frequently ran for days at a time on 4 hours of sleep a night in college. Was I nuts? (Don't answer that....)
  
• When you are exhausted, it is always better to take a step back to breathe and think before saying or doing anything stupid (and certainly don't make any big decisions. Exhaustion will pass and rational thinking will return).
• I am really good at making excuses for not running (last week it was, "Well, I moved lots of heavy stuff and cleaned all morning at work....so I don't need to run today....right?) Wow....that will NOT get me any closer to running the Mini.
• I need people around me that push me and encourage me. I think about training to run this Mini (I still think I've lost touch with reality by the way) and I wonder why it is that, again....when I was dancing, I would push HARD in classes and rehearsals all day and fight through pain and exhaustion. But for some reason...running is a much bigger giant for me to knock down. I think it's because when I was dancing, directors, teachers, other classmates were always pushing me to work harder, do more, be better (but it was also most effective when balanced with positive encouragement). I think that's the kind of environment I thrive in....One where I am pushed but also encourage.
• I saw an interview with the 3 boys playing Billy in the Broadway premier of "Billy Elliott" the Musical by Elton John based on the movie "Billy Elliott." I am already plotting a trip to New York to see my sister and brother-in-law and go into the city to see it. Yay!
• I am taking Thursday and Friday OFF!!!! Yay for going couch shopping with my mom!
• I've become slightly obsessed with Jon McLaughlin since the release of his newest CD OK Now. Good stuff... (his album Indiana is also great...especially the song "Beautiful Disaster."

That's all I got. I'm exhausted. I'm going home.

Driving....Myself Crazy

I have a bad habit. (Okay, I have more than one. Don't judge me. But I'm only talking about one right now.) It's not necessarily dangerous to my overall health or well being (although I suppose some could argue that it is). But really it's just probably something that I need to figure out an alternative for. Here it is...

When I am frustrated, down, angry...whatever the case may be...I drive. I get in my car and drive.

I started doing this when I lived in Bloomington (actually, now that I think about it, I probably started it in California, but I took a hiatus when I moved back home senior year....my parents may have killed me had I just taken off. And now that I think about it some more, they are probably reading this. Mom, dad, I always told the Hannah's I was leaving, and I was never gone for long. I usually just drove to the ocean and back. Calm down.) I love you! :)

Anyway, for whatever reason, it calms me down, gives me time to think, pray, sing really loudly in the car where no one else can hear me...I don't know what it is. It just usually helps. However, recently my driving escapades have been taking me up to my parent's house (which is great, because it means I get to spend time with people I love and people who love me. Always a good thing when in a rotten mood.)

Here's my problem though and here's why I think I need to break this habit. GAS IS $4.00 A GALLON. Ok, it has gone down a bit recently, but it's still too expensive to keep this up. So I need something else.

I'm open to suggestions....

Anyone? What do you do to relax, de-stress, escape, work yourself out of a bad mood?

The things I noticed....

I was at my Grandparent's house today with my mom getting ready to help them with a few things over the next couple of days. Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa were talking, and I was getting irritated with the persistent chirp of the smoke detector in need of a new battery. I asked Grandpa where the 9V batteries are, grabbed a ladder and proceded to change the batteries, at which point I realized there was another smoke detector obnoxiously begging for a new battery. Well, we were out of 9V's, so that one's waiting until tomorrow.

But, at that I point, I began walking around the house trying to find other things that I would be able to help take care of (my grandparents are amazing and still climb extension ladders to get on their roof even though they are 80 years old....I think it's time to put a stop to this personally.)

It's at this point that I realized that camp has made me a strange person. I walked around checking all the things we normally check at the beginning of the season, and it kind of made me laugh at myself.

• Smoke detectors need checked regularly.
• Put a smoke detector in every room of the house!
• Change burnt out light bulbs.
• Better yet, replace light bulbs with energy efficient light bulbs so they last longer!
• Line the bottom of all trash cans with extra liners...so quick and easy to take the trash out!
• If it's broke, fix it! Enough said.
  

The list could go on (and trust me, it does). But I guess more than anything, my little OCD moment at my grandparent's today made me realize that camp has taught me how to prepare well, and plan for success (in this case, I think success would be making ordinary tasks simpler for Grandma and Grandpa....they don't need to be on ladders several times a month changing light bulbs...let's just give them energy efficient bulbs!)

So strange or not, I think it's a good thing!

Paying Attention

Okay, I know I do this too, so I shouldn't really complain...

I walk into Subway today and the lady that is always there was... you guessed it... there. I don't actually know her name, and I doubt she actually knows mine, but I should probably find out (Considering it's less than 2 minutes from the office, I usually grab lunch there once every other week... once a week if things are busy and I don't go home for lunch, so I see her fairly frequently. I'm surprised she doesn't know my order yet). But that's not the point.

She goes to ring me up, looks at me and says, "You look tired today."

Now I'm not gonna lie.... this has always struck me as a polite way to say, "You look like crap." Thanks. Thanks a lot.

But, I suppose it is just our way of showing that we pay attention to the people around us. So her saying I looked tired today... means she has at least noticed how I normally look and act, versus how I looked and acted today. (I am sick, so she was right.... I was tired, and feeling rather crappy.... so I suppose she wasn't too far off.)

I guess in the end, even though the whole "You look tired" euphemism kind of irritates me, I appreciate the fact that she has paid enough attention over the past several months to notice me, and notice when something was off. That's pretty impressive when you consider the number of people I'm sure she encounters on a daily basis who just want their turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato, light on the mayo...

So I guess my question is, "Are you paying attention to the people around you?" Would you notice if they were having an off day? Would you ask them about it, even if you hardly knew them? And would you be ready for a real answer?

I want to be someone who notices, asks, and listens.

"Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle."
~Romans 12:9-10 (Msg.)